When asked what I am scared of the first answers the come to my head are standard answers;
I’m afraid of the dark.
I’m afraid of heights.
I’m afraid of losing my loved ones.
But when I really put it into perspective and dig a little deeper into my fears, failing is what scared me most.
I am terrified of failing and disappointing those that believe I won’t fail. There are so many people who look at me and expect me to succeed. Maybe they don’t “expect” it, but that’s what my mind is telling me.
“They are all going to be disappointed in you.”
“You’re going to let them all down.”
“Why do you even try?”
These are the voices in my head. They make me believe I will fail before I’ve even started. I try so hard to push those voices back and listen to the encouraging people around me, but it is so hard. When me loved ones talk about how much they believe in me those voices in my head get louder and louder. No matter how much my husband tells me I can do anything I put my mind to, no matter how much my boss encourages me to apply for advanced opportunities, no matter how much my parents say they are proud of me, all I hear is the voices that are objecting everything these people are saying to me.
The next question is normally asking why I doubt myself so much. How do you explain voices in your head without looking crazy?
